From the signature line of a comment posted on a hilarious summary of the Republican debate as recorded by a 9 y.o.
“Iraq: the bravest 1% fighting for the richest 1%.” ~ An Unknown Kossack.
I’m gonna have to assume this is an April Fool’s gag October 10, 2007
that just keeps on giving.
Two days a week my schedule is such that I am attempting to work in two hour chunks while sitting in Starbucks or other wifi hotspots in between taking children here and there. For the record, I am no where near organized and disciplined enough to do this effectively. Also, in case anyone is wondering, no, there are not any Starbucks or Panera’s in western Palm Beach county with an environment conducive to making phone calls. Which is unfortunate for me, since that is, essentially, what I do for a living. Talk on the phone.
So, in one of my little between-run blocks of “work” (and I use the term loosely) time, I decide it would work better for me to have wireless broadband and just go sit in a park where I could at least make calls. So I google “wireless broadband” to try to find out what my options are and just exactly how much cheaper subscribing would be than my extra 6 grande lattes / week. (Turns out, it’s about the same. But I think the wireless broadband would have fewer adverse health effects. Plus, it’s tax deductible. I’m pretty sure lattes that I consume by myself while surfing social networks, blogs and message boards are not.)
So, I see in the results a hit for google’s new free wireless broadband. I’m thinking wow – what’s the catch? So, I clicked.
bwahahaha. Good one. Almost as good as NPR’s “story” about the USPS offering the option to buy a “prestigious zip code” or something like that. Even funnier, the support forum is still going strong – presumably 6+ months later. I’ve heard google is a fun place to work.
(No, I’m not going to give away the joke here. You have to click the link)
Funny (in a pathetic sort of way) post and reply on Craigslist October 5, 2007
”What am I doing wrong?”
Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front
about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I
see it.
Your offer, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense
to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
Pardon me? What happened to that “Culture of life”??? October 3, 2007
Apparently the lives of children aren’t worth much once they are born. Certainly not nearly as important as that hallmark of a “Culture of Life” – war. I guess Bush forgot to wear his “WWJD” bracelet today.
The following is from a blog by D. Rep Louise Slaughter found here
SCHIP currently provides health care coverage to six million children that otherwise would not. Nearly 400,000 children are enrolled in New York alone, the second highest number in the nation. The bill we passed last week with the support of more than 45 Republican Members of Congress adds coverage for more than four million children, to insure ten million.
SCHIP is a program both enormously popular with the public and already proven enormously successful. It is the reason why President Bush pledged on the campaign trail in 2004 that “America’s children must also have a healthy start in life. … we will lead an aggressive effort to enroll millions of poor children who are eligible but not signed up for the government’s health insurance programs. We will not allow a lack of attention, or information, to stand between these children and the health care they need.”
Perhaps the most stunning fact is that the entire cost of the SCHIP program to insure 10 million American children is equivalent to the price of about 41 days of the president’s War in Iraq. 41 days in Iraq. There has perhaps never been a more stark contrast between the president’s priorities.
It’s a bit embarassing October 3, 2007
when a podcast you’re listening to while on the elliptical at the gym (when it’s busy) makes you laugh out loud. Of course, attempting to stifle it and ending up smiling like a goon while sweating and, well, elliptical-ing must look pretty ridiculous, too. Fortunately, I’m OK with looking ridiculous. Besides, it couldn’t be helped. These two are funny. My favorite part “I mean, who do we want? 50 cent?”
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=14798246
Click the listen button.
Calmness in our lives August 28, 2007
[copied and pasted from elsewhere]
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to
finish all the things you’ve started and never finished.”
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a
box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.
Please pass this on to those you feel might be in need of inner peace.
A simple plan to save the world July 2, 2007
There is an article here that is very long but very worth reading. It’s from the 05/04 issue of Esquire magazine and I only ever read it because I was stuck in the waiting room for a couple of hours once while DS1 was doing some testing.
With the state of the world being what it is, I am thinking of this article more again. I think it’s at least as relevant now. There’s a lot of hope for solutions in this writing. Of course, it would take people who think in terms of real solutions like this man in our positions of power.
Did I mention the article is really long? It is. But totally worth the read.
Here is an intro:
A Simple Plan to Save the World
by Jeffrey Sachs
Esquire, May 1, ‘04
Ending extreme poverty, disease, environmental degradation, war? We asked one of the world’s most influential economists — adviser to Kofi Annan and Bono alike — what would have to be done to put the world on a course to do exactly that. What follows is his modest little plan.It is increasingly hard to believe the old adage that “people get the government they deserve.” Despite having everything going for it — wealth, technology, unchallenged military might — the United States is facing a spiraling crisis made in Washington: a budget deficit of gargantuan proportions, a voracious military budget that buys us neither security nor peace of mind, a reckless neglect of man-made climate change, and a foreign policy that in three short years has made us one of the most feared countries on the planet. This is a crisis, I believe, that reflects profoundly misplaced priorities regarding America’s relations with the world. In this article, I want to advance some concrete ideas on how to set those priorities right.In spite of our problems, I am an optimist — not an incorrigible optimist, but one based on facts. It is for this simple reason: The key problems that we have are all indeed solvable. Every great challenge that we face — climate, biodiversity, global health, extreme poverty, growing violence, and the “clash of civilizations” — can be solved, and at modest cost and with huge long-term benefit. We’re facing the bargain of a generation, a chance to fix the world and forge a prosperous and peaceful place for the rest of the century.The world is racked by instability resulting from “failed states,” places where hunger, death, and disease flourish and where young men rampage in the face of poverty, mass unemployment, lack of education, and hopelessness. Yet the problems of extreme poverty are not the visitations of God’s plagues on corrupt and hapless nonbelievers, but rather the result of societies suffering from the lack of health clinics, a shortage of schools and teachers, lack of rural roads, and the like. These countries need major investments in social services and infrastructure but simply lack the resources. The result is a poverty trap in which solvable poverty gets only deeper because the basic investments needed to overcome it are beyond the means of the country, while the scale of financial help from the United States, European countries, and other rich nations is much too limited to make a breakthrough. Remarkably, the United States is spending about $450 billion for the military to defend itself against global threats but only about $13 billion to fight the underlying conditions of poverty, disease, and despair that provide the breeding grounds for these global threats.
It’s possible to add up, with some precision, what financial resources would actually be needed from the rich countries to help end this extreme poverty and thereby set today’s unstable and desperate societies — Ethiopia, Haiti, Bolivia, Afghanistan, and dozens of countries like them — on their way to self-sustaining economic growth. By helping these countries rise above extreme poverty, we would also enable them to become stable neighbors and trading partners instead of havens of terror, disease, unwanted mass migration, and drug trafficking.
Happy Canada Day to the Americans July 1, 2007
Taken from elsewhere
Happy Canada Day to the Americans
Americans are heading over the border in droves this weekend to help us celebrate Canada Day and remind us why the Fourth of July is much, much better. As we know, they are inquisitive and have a need to know. In fact, most feel they have a God-given RIGHT to know. With that in mind, here are some actual questions asked by American tourists in Banff. Yes, they’re ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff. You can’t make this crap up. (The answers in brackets are suggested answers that were never actually supplied to tourists. Damn Canadian manners!)
1. How do the elk know they’re supposed to cross at the “Elk Crossing” signs? (They read better than tourists do.)2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? (We’re not sure, but we’re told the elk has to be really, really high. I would say at least a 26 ouncer or a dime bag.)3. American Tourist: “How do you pronounce ‘Elk’?” Park Information Staff: “‘Elk.’” American Tourist: “Oh.”
4. Are the bears with collars tame? (Yes. Smear honey on your hands and face … they love to lick it off.)
5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? (Absolutely. Get yourself a copy of Playbear Magazine. If you want to see them pose live, look for the large brown bear with the hump on his shoulders. These are the best posers. If possible, play with their cubs – they pose better when you do this.)
6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent? (Either is good. Rub it all over yourself first though to keep the behemoth mosquitoes away.)
7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos? (It’s hard to give directions but to start you have to bend over).
8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today — could you tell me what it was? (Yes. You’ve heard of a Mule Deer? A white-tail deer? That was a John Deere. Be careful, they eat Americans).
9. Are there birds in Canada? (Not any more. The John Deere ran into a drought of Americans and went straight for birds)
10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? (Yes, among others.)
11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin? (To Albertans, there is no beginning or end there is only Alberta. You Bible belters will be familiar with the “Alpha and the Omega”. In Canada it’s called the Alberta and the Smegma)
12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper? (Yes we do, but you can’t have it. We would normally give you a map for the State of Confusion, however they all got sent to the White House just before the Iraq invasion)
13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan? (Definitely Saskatchewan. The best Saskatchewan French is spoken in outhouses in February by brass monkeys)
14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario? (No, just Toronto because that is generally considered the “Centre of the Universe”.)
15. Which is the way to the Columbia Rice fields? (Go to the Panama Canal and keep going until you reach Colombia. You won’t find rice fields, but the important point is, that you keep going.)
16. How far is Banff from Canada? (It depends where you are now, and if you mean kilometres or miles)
17. What’s the best way to see Canada in a day? (From space)
18. Do they search you at the B.C. border? (I wish we did. We’ll suggest that we start).
19. When we enter B.C., do we have to convert our money to British pounds? (Yes. And ounces)
20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don’t they? (No, some Canadians wear toques, which is racoon hair woven together, so technically, still a racoon hat. You can’t buy them. You have to be born here and you are issued one at birth from the Queen with your secret Canadian healthcare decoder on it. Sorry)
21. Are there phones in Banff? (Yes, but Albertans don’t know the alphabet or numbers so they can’t use them).
22. So, it’s eight kilometers away… is that in miles? (No, that would be in furlongs).
23. In America, we’re on the decibel system, you know. (Yes we know. We are reminded of your decibel system every time we hear you talking on a cell phone, to a serving person or in our restaurants and theatres.)
24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost? (Based on what we see, that ship has already sailed. Pretty much anywhere would be our guess).
25. Is that two kilometers by foot or by car? (No, that’s by how the Pack Mule flies … at night, as you will discover)
26. Don’t you Canadians know anything? (Well, compared to whom? Actually, that would be hard to answer without being rude, and you know how we Canadians are).
27. Where do you put the animals at night? (Sky corals. Did you think to look up at night?)
28. Tourist: “How do you get your lakes so blue?” Park staff: “We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom.” Tourist: “Oh!” (We don’t allow Republicans to swim in them. Wading to the knees is the most we allow.)
Have a great weekend and remember to laugh because as David Letterman points out, “More Americans can name the Three Stooges than the three branches of government – but that’s because the Three Stooges are more likely to get something done…”
A discussion about the origins of life on earth May 31, 2007
was had elsewhere online today. Just wanted to copy and paste this here for posterity.
Here’s my own personal, totally pulled out of my ass theory, which reconciles my acceptance of evolutionary science as valid and factual with my acceptance of the likelihood of a higher power of some sort…
I’ve read that the oldest known galaxy to be discovered in the universe is approximately 3x older than our solar system. Given that, presumably any life forms that evolved in that galaxy would, potentially, be 3x more evolved than the highest life form here – i.e. us. (OK, I realize that certain people will make you question the premise that we are the most highly-evolved life form. But … work with me, here). In that case, the highest life form in that galaxy would be more highly evolved than us by a factor of 3 times the difference in complexity between humans and, say, a single-celled amoeba or whatever the earliest life form on earth was.
Such a highly evolved life form could well have evolved beyond a physical form. Let’s face it, doing without the limitations of our physical form would be evolutionarily advantageous. At the very least, it would do away with that pesky aging thing which couldn’t be a bad thing. It could have evolved to a pure energy lifeform. An omni-present one, even. Sounds a lot like the gods of most religions, no? If you want to take it one step further, I think each of us have good and evil in us. In another dozen billion years or so, when we’re pure energy, the good and evil might separate into opposite energy forces. Voila – God and Satan.
I think it’s fairly likeyl that I was under the influence when I came up with this theory.
Now, I don’t necessarily believe this. Just that it seems as likely as anything else which attempts to explain or establish the existence of a supernatural being / force / power / thing that sits on top the thing.
I further realize this theory isn’t likely to take the world by storm and end that pesky debate. The literal creation types aren’t likely to want to hear that God and Satan are really just regular old lifeforms who happen to be a coupla hundred laps ahead of us in the Evolution 500.
